Yellow Eyes
Eyes yellow, heart-broken, jaw clenched, pride gone…
Lost in the skies of daydream terrors
Hunger pains have suddenly stopped, maybe overtaken by the heart pain or the love ache.
They shouldn’t have stopped. I don’t care for food. I think it’s the nourishment I don’t want. I don’t want to feel good or better yet.
I want it to sting so I never forget. So I learn. I always learn the hard way.
I was warned. They told me I would get hurt. But I’m arrogant, I believed I was different. I thought I would be the one. But I was only close. I made a difference in the eyes of a blue triangle.
Is that what I was supposed to do? Just get close?
I guess when you talk about love and forever, its really not up to us as individuals. My blue triangle was my desire. I made myself completely vulnerable and in doing so set myself up to be hurt like never before. But I fought…
And I would rather have failed at love knowing that I gave everything I could rather than hold back for security of self.
The burn is getting better. The shock has worn off a little…. No never mind there it is again.
This feeling is like nothing I have ever felt…
For the past 48 hours I have slept for five. I’ve eaten 3 bites of chili soup, 4 bites of a side salad and a yellow peanut M&M. I’m not sure if it’s the coffee and the cigarettes or the lack of sleep or the stress which is making me feel the way I do.
Feelings of shaky hands, twitches, weak legs to the point of feeling like I could fall but at the last minute it subsides and I gather enough strength to regain balance.
I think that is enough though. I’m not going to drive myself to the urgent care over this.
I think I’m lonely. I’m lonely in my spirituality, my friendships, my work. I need some change in my life. I can’t continue to live like this.
I woke up at 3a.m drowning in a pool of my sweat, but I was freezing.
Blanket on – sweat, blanket off – shivers.
I had only been sleeping maybe 2 hours. This body trance is taking control.
I starred at the preview channel for two hours before I knew I was awake.
Just starring at the channels appearing and disappearing vertically on the hotel television as my imagination played evil evil tricks on my psyche.
I was stuck in a hypnosis, forced to succumb to whatever I was being dealt.
Lost in the skies of daydream terrors
Hunger pains have suddenly stopped, maybe overtaken by the heart pain or the love ache.
They shouldn’t have stopped. I don’t care for food. I think it’s the nourishment I don’t want. I don’t want to feel good or better yet.
I want it to sting so I never forget. So I learn. I always learn the hard way.
I was warned. They told me I would get hurt. But I’m arrogant, I believed I was different. I thought I would be the one. But I was only close. I made a difference in the eyes of a blue triangle.
Is that what I was supposed to do? Just get close?
I guess when you talk about love and forever, its really not up to us as individuals. My blue triangle was my desire. I made myself completely vulnerable and in doing so set myself up to be hurt like never before. But I fought…
And I would rather have failed at love knowing that I gave everything I could rather than hold back for security of self.
The burn is getting better. The shock has worn off a little…. No never mind there it is again.
This feeling is like nothing I have ever felt…
For the past 48 hours I have slept for five. I’ve eaten 3 bites of chili soup, 4 bites of a side salad and a yellow peanut M&M. I’m not sure if it’s the coffee and the cigarettes or the lack of sleep or the stress which is making me feel the way I do.
Feelings of shaky hands, twitches, weak legs to the point of feeling like I could fall but at the last minute it subsides and I gather enough strength to regain balance.
I think that is enough though. I’m not going to drive myself to the urgent care over this.
I think I’m lonely. I’m lonely in my spirituality, my friendships, my work. I need some change in my life. I can’t continue to live like this.
I woke up at 3a.m drowning in a pool of my sweat, but I was freezing.
Blanket on – sweat, blanket off – shivers.
I had only been sleeping maybe 2 hours. This body trance is taking control.
I starred at the preview channel for two hours before I knew I was awake.
Just starring at the channels appearing and disappearing vertically on the hotel television as my imagination played evil evil tricks on my psyche.
I was stuck in a hypnosis, forced to succumb to whatever I was being dealt.
posted by ink_86 at 12:18 PM
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