just writing

Suspended in still air, no wind nor even a hint of motion. Just quiet. Still. The quiet whose presence you can recognize just before a euphoric white light trance.

The loud mental cries of uncertainity ring through me now as I float in that pureness which soon will be weighted by sin and no longer rich in that innocence which is so inviting and at that climactal moment so fuckin awesome! Unless acted upon by outside forces. A scientific if you will escape from reality......

Linger, suspend, float, make a fuckin move already and quit being so indecisive. make a decision and go with it. Give it 100 percent and don't look back. Be fair to it. Nothing works with a half ass effort to its fullest potential. I'm so afraid of wasting time and not living that I am trying to control all matters around me and not believing in and being true to myself. Happiness is a virtue it is true, but happiness is also a blessing, if we can accept it into our lives and believe that we are deserving.

I was at that point that I believed I was undeserving and that when the opportunity came to me, I neglected it and let it pass me by. The result of a mental struggle with myself to define who I am and not a fall on that definition of what I was perceived to be. Our lives change and so do the people in it. Accept it as nature and not something which to control. Rather enjoy the knowledge of understanding nature and learning the lessons which are associated with it.