Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

Dear angel of mine,

You touched my soul with God-sent love
Wrapped in off-innocent white, and masked in divinity.

You brought light to my otherwise grayish days, and filled my void
with a smile and perfect eyes.

When I was lost alone and in need of direction,
your apparition guided my way.

You were my forever rock of beauty that never faded in strength.
Withstood the harshest storms and sheltered the delicacy of insecurity.

Dear angel of mine,
I prayed to you….
And I waited for you…
I believed in you…
And I lived through you…

Dear angel of mine,

I have loved and I have betrayed thee.
I have forgiven and I have hated thee.
I have mourned with, and I have played with you.
Prayed with you, and abandoned you.
I traveled the world with you, and came home to you.

I had everything with you. But never forever with you.

Beloved angel of mine,
whisper to me in the night and erase this pain of losing you.
Extinguish that which burns inside me, and clenches at my free will.
This soul ache has consumed me…
The burning passion once felt when coming inside you has subsided and just left cold.

Agony now cuts through me like a flesh eating sword as I toss in the night.
The double edge of love has again with a tingle taken my breath,
and with suffocation near, has taken my breath.

Again I have been left to the depths of night,
Clock watching-- stirred and chill shaken.

Waiting for my fallen angel.

just writing

Suspended in still air, no wind nor even a hint of motion. Just quiet. Still. The quiet whose presence you can recognize just before a euphoric white light trance.

The loud mental cries of uncertainity ring through me now as I float in that pureness which soon will be weighted by sin and no longer rich in that innocence which is so inviting and at that climactal moment so fuckin awesome! Unless acted upon by outside forces. A scientific if you will escape from reality......

Linger, suspend, float, make a fuckin move already and quit being so indecisive. make a decision and go with it. Give it 100 percent and don't look back. Be fair to it. Nothing works with a half ass effort to its fullest potential. I'm so afraid of wasting time and not living that I am trying to control all matters around me and not believing in and being true to myself. Happiness is a virtue it is true, but happiness is also a blessing, if we can accept it into our lives and believe that we are deserving.

I was at that point that I believed I was undeserving and that when the opportunity came to me, I neglected it and let it pass me by. The result of a mental struggle with myself to define who I am and not a fall on that definition of what I was perceived to be. Our lives change and so do the people in it. Accept it as nature and not something which to control. Rather enjoy the knowledge of understanding nature and learning the lessons which are associated with it.